ευθανασία -ευ, eu, “good”, θανατος, thanatos, “death”

Apakah itu kecantikan? Bagaimana kecantikan itu dinilai? Siapakah kita untuk menilai kecantikan? Kecantikan jika dipandang dari segi laras bahasa akarnya adalah sangat menarik apabila dipandang, sangat elok, bagus, molek. Manakala dari segi penggunaan bahasanya ditambah dengan imbuhan ‘ke’ dan ‘an’ bermaksud perihal cantik, keelokan, kemolekan dan keindahan. Namun begitu, laras bahasa cantik di atas bermaksud ke arah kebaikan, ada juga berbentuk negatif. Cantik juga diertikan sebagai biang, gasang dan gatal. Tidak semua yang perkataan positif yang selalu digunapakai ke arah itu, ada juga yang merujuk ke arah negatif. Cantik yang membawa maksud gasang adalah untuk mengatakan bahawa sesorang itu sangat suka bersetubuh dan sangat bernafsu. Itu dari segi sikap. Dari segi kelakuan, bermaksud bengis, tidak cermat dan tergesa-gesa. Ianya merujuk kepada perihal suka bersetubuh. Satu lagi perkataan yang digunakan secara sinonim dengan cantik di setengah tempat membawa maksud biang. Biang ini membawa maksud gatal, hampir tembus dan ingat-ingat lupa atau hampir putus. Jadi, berhati-hatilah. Kadangkala, orang yang tahu mengenai penggunaan Bahasa Melayu ini menggunakan perkataan-perkataan yang mempunyai maksud lain daripada yang lain. Sebagai contoh, jika ada yang mengatakan “Kamu nampak cantik hari ini.” Adakah dia sekadar memuji atau pun bermaksud berlainan daripada itu. Mungkin yang dimaksudkannya betul-betul merujuk kepada sangat elok dan molek. Tetapi adakah mungkin maksudnya “Kamu nampak sangat bernafsu hari ini,” atau lebih teruk “Kamu nampak sangat suka bersetubuh.” Bahasa Melayu itu sudah cantik. Kenapa hendak dirojakkan? Kenapa Bahasa Indonesia dapat dikekalkan jati bahasanya, sehingga dikatakan bahasa itu sebagai salah satu bahasa ilmu di rantau nusantara. Kenapa bukan Bahasa Melayu? Bukankah bahasa melayu itu digunakan di tiga buah negara di Nusantara iaitu di Malaysia, Brunei dan Singapura. Bukankah Bahasa Melayu itu menjadi bahasa 3 buah negara tersebut (Walaupun Singapura menggunakan bahasa Inggeris dan Mandarin, tetapi dari segi perlembagaan bahasa Melayu merupakan bahasa bagi negara tersebut). Mungkin juga orang kita memandang rendah bahasa sendiri. Al-maklum, dijajah selama 446 tahun oleh Eropah sampai lupa Malaysia ini terletak di Asia Tenggara.

Lihatlah
Pada diriku
Aku cantik dan menarik
Dan kau mulai dekati aku

Ku beri segalanya
Cinta harta dan jiwaku
Tapi kau malah menghilang
Bagai hantu tak tahu malu

Lelaki buaya darat
Busyet aku tertipu lagi
Mulutnya manis sekali
Tapi hati bagai serigala

Ku tertipu lahi oh
Ku tertipu lagi oh

Ku beri segalanya
Cinta harta dan jiwaku
Tapi kau malah menghilang
Bagai hantu sakitnya aku

Mungkin aku bodoh
Mungkun aku naif
Atau mungkin memang kamu
Penjahat wanita

Tapi untungnya
Aku masih punya kekasih yang lain
Tapi mengapa aku
Masih saja tertipu olehnya..

"Pelik sungguh.. lagu perempuan kena tipu dengan lelaki, dapat dinyanyikan dengan rasa riang ria seperti pergi berkelah dengan keluarga pada hari ahad di Pantai Bagan Lalang…"

Keje dah dekat 2 bulan. Tapi rasa macam dah 2 tahun. Kalau Khai and the other PP who read this, most probably they will know what I mean. Masa aku tulis benda alah ni kat ofis aku, Ustaz Din tgh siapkan text MC untuk Perhimpunan Bulanan INTAN, Opek tgh siapkan power point presentation, aku baru je siap wat Kit Urus Setia UDPA utk PAC weekend ni. Penat tul. Selalunya pukul 9.00 pm kitaorg akan balik. Tapi kekdg fikir memang penat, tapi rasa mcm berbaloi gak buat kerja nih coz kita tau apa outcome dia.

Jadi PP UDPA nih bknnya ada kuasa yang besar macam PTD lain, tp dalam satu segi, dapat belajar banyak sangat benda. Memang dalam masa yang singkat ni pun, banyak sangat input yang kitaorg dapat. Tanggungjawab pun besar. Input yang kita dapat dari PPK, KP or PI, kita forward kat peserta.

Dalam memegang jawatan ni, benda-benda seperti ni kena selalu ingat:

-Be professional

-Jaga nama baik perkhidmatan

-No such things as personel

-Jangan ungkit

-Don’t ever lose our credibilty

-Jangan ada affair ngan peserta (PENTING!)

-Alway alert

-Must be really good in crisis management

-Berbudi bahasa

- Setiakawan (INI MEMANG KITAORG ADA)

-Tidak lokek dengan masa semasa bekerja

-Adab

-Disiplin

-Kualiti

Itu yang nak kena praktik. Susah gak…. tul tak? Depress, takde pun. Esok nak kena pegi ke INTIM untuk PAC sampai hari ahad. Isnin ada Induksi Khusus JPA. Apa-apa je la. Boleh jumpa kawan-kawan!

-ezri 16/08/2006 office 8.46pm

You will be mesmerize when you see the way she walks, when she talks you will be hypnotized, when she smiles the time seems to stop, some sort of feeling will runs through you that is so beautiful that even the angels will envy.

I just want to see her every morning and whisper the magical three words from afar that only both of us can understand. I wish that she could see through my eyes and saw my thought, in that way she could understand how pure my love to her.

What we have harvest in this short period is really meaningful. She delighted me with her charms, her humbleness, her beauty, her grace, whatever about her are so perfect that I paused and think, she is an angel that been sent from heaven to wash away all the pains and sadness i suffered, she gave me light when I thought there was none left for me.

I want to make you smile as your smile cure my heart and soul. I want to make you laugh as your laugh makes me feels alive. I want you to be the one that hold my hand lead me to a place where there are no more tears. I want you to sing the song of love so that I can see the music and hear the dance. I cannot be myself without you. When you asked me can you steal my heart, I would answer you don’t have to steal it my dear because it is already yours.

You are my saviour, my love, my baby, my messiah.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, -I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning - 1806-1861

I would like to tell the whole world that I’m in love with that particular someone and I would like to dedicate this song to her…

When we turn out the lights
The two of us alone together
Something’s just not right
But baby you know that I would never ever let another’s touch
Come between the two of us
Cause no one else will ever take your place

No one else comes close to you
No one makes me feel the way you do
You’re so special baby, to me
And you’ll always be, eternally
Everytime I hold you near
You always say the words I love to hear
Girl with just a touch, you can do so much

No one else comes close

And when I wake up to
The touch of your head on my shoulder
You’re my dream come true
Oh, baby you know I’ll always treasure
Every kiss, every day
I love you girl in every way
And I always will cause in my eyes

No one else comes close to you
No one makes me feel the way you do
You’re so special baby, to me
And you’ll always be, eternally
Everytime I hold you near
You always say the words I love to hear
Girl with just a touch, you can do so much
No one else comes close to you
No one makes me feel the way you do
You’re so special baby, to me
And you’ll always be, eternally
Everytime I hold you near
You always say the words I love to hear
Girl with just a touch, you can do so much

No one else comes close
No one else comes close

Damn I love you

Feeling kinda weird when everybody off to work in the morning and I’m still on my bed half-dead. I forced myself to get up from the bed, take a very quick shower, put on my track suit and start to jog. After the PTD Unggul Module in September, I remember than I can jog for about 20 minutes without feeling ‘pancit’, but now damn, I just did one lap and I’m already felt exhausted. It is so obvious what cigarattes can do to your health.

I spent most of my morning packing the stuff I would need throughout DPA. I got myself 8 pairs of white long sleeves shirts and other thing that I think important. Not like other people, they would buy 3 or 4 white collar t-shirt or buy a new back pack, or a sun block cream, or other things, I just gonna bring whatever that I have cause that I believe in being economically safe.

Actually, I’m not in the mood of writing this right now, I’m just writing for the sake of updating my blog.. Bla bla bla… Cannot wait for my DPA.. to see all of my fellow PTDs and how we will rock the DPA like no others. The bond that we have between us is remarkable and I think no even the new UDPA Regime will break us down. Sounds quite ‘poyo’ isn’t it, but thats the fact.

For now, I’m just going to enjoy the 6 months there in INTAN. Sayonara!

There’s a reason why Allah creates night, it is for us to sleep.. Simple. Researches made by every geniuses on this earth shown that we, humans, should sleep for an average of 8 hours everyday. Meaning that, you still got 16 hours more to do whatever that you want to do. Well, last night I slept at 4.30 am and got up at 6.30 am. Just imagine two hours of sleep and today I have to work for 8 hours. God, it sounds so suck! But as I am what I am, it is not much of a problem to me.

2 more weeks to go before I’m leaving the office for 6 months. I still do not know what to expect during those 6 months, but hopefully it will be something to be remember. I always wish that I could turn back the time where I still can wakes up at 6.30 in the morning on my bed in my dormitory, takes a very cold shower, solat and wearing my white school uniform with a red tie that has Sekolah Tuanku Abdul Rahman written on it. Walking down the corridor with pride, scolding at juniors, having my breakfast in the dining hall with the rest of my soul colleagues before heading to the school assembly at the basketball court near Academic Block.

It is just a very weird feeling to say the most when you talk about school. I still remember during my school days, I always wish that I can graduate from this school, go to the college for 5 years before starts working as somebody. But now, when I think about it again and again, I really wish that I could go back to the time when I was in Sekolah Tuanku Abdul Rahman, being in the one of the most famous school in Malaysia. How proud I am to say that I am a STAROBA ( Sekolah Tuanku Abdul Rahman Old Boys Association).

Nowadays, most of the class of 98 (38^th Generation of Sekolah Tuanku Abdul Rahman) still seeing each other twice each month. We will hang out, playing futsal in Sports Planet Subang Grand and have a drink or two at Bidara Bandar Sunway. We will talks about everything, from the time that we all are still together sleeping, eating, playing in school to what we have achieved and don’t achieve in life. We still take pride in our school and also each other. Most of us are successful as a person, having a great job and some already married and with kids. While, majority are engineers in multinational companies, some are doctor, pilots, accountants, lawyers and not to forget PTDs. Those are the products of Sekolah Tuanku Abdul Rahman, Ipoh.

I would say that is all for now. I’m neither a good writer nor a good writer with a good conclusion. So, sayonara.

It is nice to be here in the office doing nothing except for reading my emails and pretending that I have a lot of work to do. Not expecting the worst, my computer jammed!!! What a stupid piece of shit!! I feel like throwing the computer straight out from the window. I can’t stop cursing at that time.

But of course, I start to have a thought “What are you doing silly, you are IT graduate. Just fix it yourselves”. Yeah I can do that, IF I HAD ALL THE THINGS THAT I NEED SUCH AS THE BOOTABLE CD.

Eventually, I called the IT Division and DEMANDS that they fix my PC before I start to get pissed off again. How cruel can that be.. She just a clerk, not the technician fool!! Okay, I’m so sorry my dear… “Can you send someone here to repair my precious little obsolete PC? If you can do that, it would be so kind of you.” OK , sir. We can arrange that for you. Lovely. Or better yet, can you change the whole PC instead?

What a cruel world we live in. People don’t really care about each other anymore nor do they? I still remember those day where… whatever. I love to write craps.

Vivaciously, there is something that really got me smiling all day long and keeps me out from thinking about my PC. You can’t ever be too cautious when there is something that involves feelings, emotions and the like. Am I cautious? No, I’m not. A scorpion is well known for its risk taking, heart not mind when it comes to decision making. Still I am not that sure to take it to the next step forward too fast. Maybe… maybe not.

Confuse, confuse, confuse!!!

Today i have to spent most of my time in the parliament eventhough that I am still burden with all the ministry’s Sambutan Hari Kualiti. Its quite fun to be in the Dewan Rakyat today witnessing first hand how do the MPs acting like a bunch of 10 years old making fun of a another person in the class. I slept for about a few hours until I was suprised with sound of the bell in the Dewan Rakyat.

I met my friend Nizam who is incharge of the Parliamentary affairs and he was very helpful as well, thanks Nizam for that fine teh ‘o’ panas that cost you RM2.00. Its quite weird when you met all the MPs in the parliament, some of them that I met is Dato’ M Kayveas, Datuk Mohd Noh, Lim Kit Siang just to name a few. Most of them seems to be very fierce during the parliamentary session, but they ain’t actually.

I got a sms from a friend written "Life is short, don’t make it shorter-pesanan untuk smokers".  Thanks God its end with a plural, or else it is directly for me. Well, anyway why should we worried whether our life is short or not. We will die sooner or later. I still remember a saying, " Nothing is certain in life except for death and taxes". Nay, we live only once, heart and soul. Don’t limit yourselves, live your life to the fullest and enjoy your stay.

As for now, I want to spend the rest of the day pretending that I’m not thinking about someone.